Clean Slate

Two months ago today, I was readying myself for that last week of work before I moved back home. Procrastipacking up my belongings, and being constantly amazed at how much I'd managed to accumulate in two and half years. What I didn't sell, I ended up giving away; out of sight, out of mind. So many things amassed in a life that I had merely been existing in.

Merely existing is not a state of mind I'd like to ever revisit. You reluctantly go to bed each night, forced only by stubborn, heavy eyelids. When you awake, it is with a sense of dread for the day to come; you long for the evening again. Having been lowered to that level of thinking, everything seems impossible, and you don't think you'll be able to rise above it with any kind of ease.

It leaves if you want it to, that mindset. I left it behind in a cloud of dust as I was driven back home that fine Tuesday afternoon. A wave of relief, elation and joy swept over me; my well overdue decision to leave unequivocally justified. It was, for me, that easy.

I took some time, approximately three weeks, to relax, decompress, and to just enjoy the rediscovered happiness I now found myself feeling. Of course the realisation that I could not forever be a lady of leisure set in, and I begun the task of applying for jobs. I was lucky, two weeks was all it took. Two interviews and one design project later, I was offered a fantastic job with a fantastic company, which I accepted unreservedly.

Having just completed my first week there, I can say that it is indeed the job I had not even allowed myself to dream of getting at this stage in my career. Lovely working conditions combined with fun, passionate, intelligent colleagues makes for a great way to spend my day. There's a whole other industry to learn about, and my brain is grateful for the challenge.

Has my decision to stay in a place that made me deeply unhappy been vindicated because of where I am now? The jury is out on that one; but I do know that I would never take back the small handful of friendships I made in that final year, despite how miserable I was.

I'm not back to my old self. I feel better than that.